last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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