why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
