I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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