apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
