I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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