My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and she was petting her beer can
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
