ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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