Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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