I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
