I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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