Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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