Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Semen is not good for contacts.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
