Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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