Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it because I queefed?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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