my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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