i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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