dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
