I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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