No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
