I just threw up on my dentist
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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