dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
