i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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