God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
