Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
