Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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