This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
