btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
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