i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Acid is not a monday night drug
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
