Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
