look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize