This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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