My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize