when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I need water and some morals
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
