I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Drake has all the answers
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
