I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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