just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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