A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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