This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
