I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
