If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
