What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
