i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
