I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
MIDGETS
????
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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