one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
