Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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