I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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