are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize