Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
