this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
