I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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