i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
