eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize