Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
