I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
