Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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