If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
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I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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