I cannot find my penis.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize