i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
