If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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