he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
