I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
