did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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