just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
