you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
