it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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