Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
