I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
