Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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