best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
