hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Let's get the cat blown out
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
