You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
