if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
