I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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