Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
