Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
