i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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