I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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