Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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