I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
