it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
