You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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